I feel like I was set up to fail / Hollie

Willow was born via unplanned emergency caesarean on 30th November after a very lengthy spontaneous labour. I think it took me a little while to write this because my birth experience became so medicalised which was everything we had learnt about and practiced so hard to not experience! However, I also know that a lot of hypnobirthing is in regards to making informed decisions in which we did. We challenged, questioned and declined A LOT - but it felt like I spent 3/4 of my time arguing with the medical team. 

From the moment they realised I was expected to have a “big” baby, I feel like I was set up to fail because they instantly wanted to induce me or perform a caesarean (including before my estimated due date) yet she was born at only 3.7kg. 

I went into labour just before 6:30pm on Monday 29th November. We went to bed early to try get some sleep but I couldn’t, so I left Troy to sleep and laboured on my exercise ball in the lounge room. I woke him at about 11:30pm to put my TENS machine on but Willow was posterior so the back labour was insanely painful which resulted in us going to hospital about 2:40am on the 30th. We unfortunately had a very rude and unsupportive group of staff upon arrival and was also informed that the room with the bath was unavailable due to a broken pipe. 

I had an examination where the midwife INCORRECTLY said I was 8-9cm and I was sent to the birthing suite, turns out I was only 3-4cm!! The first team did not support our birth preferences AT ALL. One midwife actually turned around and said “Did you print this off Google? This is something you’d see if you were having a home birth.” followed by an entire team of doctors and midwives surrounding my bed (one of my preferences were no extra/unnecessary people in the room) telling me why I couldn’t have 99% of my preferences. This same team, continuously tried to talk to me through my surges despite me asking them numerous times to stop and wait.

At one point, I did not want what the midwife was trying to convince me to do/have and I ended up snapping at her as I had told her no, THREE TIMES. I feel like this team completely set me up to fail and completely ruined my birth experience. 

Shift change at 7am placed us with the most amazing midwife and student midwife who both COMPLETELY respected EVERY SINGLE ONE of our birth preferences and allowed us to finally have the calm birth space we desired. I went from being stressed and disrespected and using the gas and air to later being able to stop the gas and air and just breathe through my surges as I was able to relax and use my hypnobirthing tracks with the assistance of the birth ball, standing over the side of the bed and Troy doing acupressure on my back. This actually makes me a little bit sad because it shows that I am more than capable of doing what I was intended to do and that the first & last team (same team as when I arrived) ruined that for me. 

I unfortunately was struggling so much with the back pain that I agreed to a morphine shot (forgetting that it can stall your labour), which in hindsight I wish I didn’t as it did stall my labour. On the other hand though, it allowed me a break between contractions because the pain was absolutely excruciating. However, once this wore off I went back to breathing through etc.

Another shift change happened at about 7pm which placed me back with the first team of absolute assholes (to put it nicely😂). After 24hrs of labour I had an epidural to try relax my body as throughout this entire time I hadn’t dilated past 5cm. I then had synthetic oxytocin to try get my contractions stronger and more frequent again, as it had stalled. At my next check I had only dilated to 7cm and Willow’s head still hadn’t come right down (they aren’t sure if it was my pelvis being too small or her head being too big). Her heart rate was a bit up and down but closely monitored and by about 9:30/10pm on 30th November, it was decided a cat 2 caesarean would be performed. I was devastated I didn’t get to at least try “push” or bare down but I was exhausted and unsupported. 

I had been upright, swaying/thrusting, using the exercise ball, using my hypnobirthing techniques and even when I was laying I ensured I was on my side and had things between my legs but after such a long time I was exhausted and felt like I had done everything I could. 

Of course, in hindsight I wish things were done differently and I wish I had a supportive team upon arrival and at the end but it is what is it and we’re both safe and healthy. We questioned and fought every single thing they threw at us, using our knowledge from the course. I felt like I was constantly fighting them though, which made it horrible for me. It has made me THAT much more determined to have a better birth experience next time because I KNOW I can do it - I did it at home and in the middle with the supportive Midwife & student for a huge chunk of my labour! So I hope to get to practice again when the time is right and I plan to hopefully have a home birth🤞🏼 without the shitty unsupportive team or go private with the right team!